Letters of Youth


/ 21 December 2020

My mother used to tell me about the story about Beauty and the Beast, where the lady stumbled across the castle of chaos and destruction, to find a monster inside that is worth fixing after all the mistakes. My mother once told me to see the beauty in everything, so people will love you the way you deserve because that’s what Belle did.

So I dreamed to be a Belle in somebody’s
life, wherein I will be the nurse to cure
the pain inside a person’s heart.
I always thought it was a simple dream,
like what Disney movies manifest.  

If I’ve only known that it takes a few
mountains to climb, an ocean to swim,
to surrender yourself to a winning battle
-I shouldn’t have gone to a battle

I saw you when you were 18, trying hard to be a quarterback on a football field while I was no one – the girl who has a lot of dreams, yet still has no friends.

I’m 16, and I never drink. I went to a party
with my friend and saw you with your
teammates. The night slowly bled in to
midnight and I found myself rushing
to the quarterback who puked at the
side of the road.

I offered you my tissue, as you looked up
to mine – I saw the anger and sadness
fueling in your eyes.

I still remember the way you smile when you indulged yourself in books, it was some sort of passion you have that only I can know. It somehow felt that I was the only exception, like the song you kept on repeating when we’re alone. You were so happy, far from the broken boy I saw at the side of the road.


That night, I offered not only my tissue,
I offered you my heart.
I took you home, and your eyes never left
mine, and I swore to myself that you
liked me that night,
and you did.  

So I took you to your desired destination,
and here I found my dress covered in
puke, still smiling at the sobered man,
telling him to stay safe in the midst of a
broken road.

You were not happy all the time, and I knew that love will always be painful – so I let myself pick up your broken pieces until I finally see the day that you are sobered. I will take every single tear, every single pain – all wanting to be there for you.

I love you, like how you deserved to be
loved, I saw how you finally sobered up
from the drunken state of broken faith
and destruction.

I saw how you made a road trip to the
broken road like it was a new destination.
I saw how you made the haunted town into a
living street. 

So here you are, standing in front of me –
completely thanking me for everything. 

I sighed and closed my eyes, silently thanking
the gods for giving me the kind of love that I
deserve after years of bleeding myself for his

Years after, our fates failed to keep us together. You were destined to a place where I can’t be – so I went on alone. I graduated and become a writer of our story, and here you are.. all over the news, watching you as you cry for another girl in front of the altar, who looked so beautiful in white.

So I fell asleep under the sea of storms,
wishing that the younger me had known
how dangerous love can be. After all these
years of building this man I met in the
quarterback, I finally accepted the future,
my future without him 

So here I am in the place where we first
fell in love, watching you as you take your
wife – telling her that you met someone here
years ago, and that you will always be thankful
 for her existence in your life. 

…….and I whispered,
“and that I will always love you,
 forever and more.” 

I built a man, for someone else.