Most people are afraid of saying no, ghosting is a common rejection strategy in both professional and personal situations. Ghosting does not cause more hurt than outright rejection, but it does cause different and meaningful types of suffering. When we say no, we owe each other clarity, but we don’t have to explain why.

Photo courtesy of Rachel Jess

If you ghosted someone, you probably weren’t attempting to be cruel. You simply avoided an embarrassing conversation. Or you believed it was nicer not to tell why you rejected them. Maybe you felt ashamed. Maybe you were lazy or simply forgot. I’ve ghosted. And ghosted Likely you have.

Ghosting is a common occurrence. 77% of job searchers said they had been ghosted by a prospective employer in the last year, 10% after a verbal job offer. It’s a two-way street: 28% of job searchers say they’ve ghosted a potential employer, and 76% of employers say they’ve been ghosted. In a 2018 dating study, a quarter of respondents said they had been ghosted. Not just expressed interest but actually went out with them.

Photo courtesy of Rachel Jess

Even if people who are rejected by ghosts don’t seem to suffer too much, ghosting is cruel since it consumes so much mental bandwidth. The Zeigarnik effect is a distracting yearning for completion. The Zeigarnik effect explains why your mind goes round in circles attempting to remember the name of that actor from that show, even though it has no bearing on the situation. It explains why it’s so difficult to concentrate on anything else when waiting for a response to a job interview, a school application, a medical exam, or a text after a good first date. Even if there’s nothing to figure out, your mind continues to ruminate. Uncertainty is a drain on mental resources.

Ghosting is when someone terminates a relationship by ending communications abruptly and without explanation. Whether or not you’d consider ghosting someone might have a lot to do with how you view relationships in general.