DEAR DIARY: A BLITHE BREATHING CORPSE
How come you’re not angry? It might not be because you don’t care, because you do. No, it might not be because you’re getting used to it. After all, you’re not. The news still rattles you, greater or lesser than the last. You’re just exhausted and overwhelmed by this strange feeling of powerlessness and hopelessness. They are starting to cloak your heart and envelope your mind. And it’s hard to fight and deny something this apparent – the good is losing. And you want to give up.
For the reason that it’s not only hope-sapping but also life-sucking when you realize that it takes everything to correct injustice yet it takes only an instant to create it. You thought you’ve won the battle, and yet hundreds more are needed to be fought for – to win the war, to make an impact, to make a significant change. Yes, you have won. However, it’s hard to plant a winning flag amidst an on-going war.
Yes, you have won. And yet hundreds are lost and losing, and hundreds more are dead and dying. There’s too much to grieve but you don’t want to lose any more time. There’s too much to do but you don’t know where to start. It is so mentally, physically, and emotionally draining, your mind automatically begins to disassociate. Your mind starts creating a bubble, building a little house, amid war; feeding and distracting you with all this momentary happiness. Your privileges shrouding you with fancy things while your brethren are struggling.
And now, finally, you can just lie down among the bodies – you’re just as good as dead.